Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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