worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
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