Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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