Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Randomize
