it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize