I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I'm both gender and math confused
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
