Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
