I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
