I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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