My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
