i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
