I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
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