2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
