Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
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