Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
