I woke up to her vacumming the grass
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
