i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
