Sry I called you an 8
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
