I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
