No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
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