She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
