i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I want a musical about memes.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
