Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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