I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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