New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
