there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
