did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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