the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
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