the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
