speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
