I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Randomize
