i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Randomize