when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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