we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
