take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
My pussy is not your playground.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
