As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
