Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
