All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
