The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
