Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
