I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
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