he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
