Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
