I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
