I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize