I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
