So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Ketchup is God's man juice
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
You made out with two different species that night
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
