I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
