I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
