i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
