Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
