I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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