Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
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