david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Randomize
