Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
