the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
