if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
