so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
