he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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