Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
