Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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