Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
This house was built for laser tag.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
