Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
