Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
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