first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Hippo gnu deer
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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