I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
