awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
