i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
