She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
