K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
