did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I want you more than these girls want KFC
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Also, beer. Big fan.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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