you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
