He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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