I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Randomize
