was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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