i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
My legs feel like baby dolphins
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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