Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize