I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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