imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
