So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
