I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
