I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
