i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
