pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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