Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize