i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
