Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
