i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
