i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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