On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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