she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
