So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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