I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize