Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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