we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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