I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Randomize
