i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
