I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
