the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize