I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
