fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Randomize
