Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
