then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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