my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
It was like giving head to a cactus.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
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