good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
