if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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